a private kind of happiness

So, the travelin' life doesn't last forever. Everything eventually comes to an end, I suppose. I'm still trying to process everything, but I think I am doing pretty well with it considering the anxiety problems I have at times. Perhaps it helps that I'm on the most chill beach possible and it seems like nothing could be stressful here.

But I have a week left in Asia. After a couple weeks of vacation, that just means that you are coming to the end of a nice little trip. But after 4 1/2 months, it means that you are coming to the end of an important section of your life.

It doesn't help that I don't have one single thing worked out for when I go home. But in a weird way, the uncertainty of my situation at home is comforting because it's just like traveling. Traveling in Southeast Asia means you are always uncertain of the next step you might take. I have a few ideas about what I'll do and where I'll go, but I'm making no certain decisions now. It would be pointless to anyway. But I do know that wherever I go and whatever I do, I'll figure something out and it will probably be ok.

Unfortunately I missed the application deadline for the summer internship for the US Campaign for Burma, because I procrastinated about it and then I got sick. But I guess if I were really meant to do that I would have tried harder and things would have worked out differently. Really it doesn't matter, it's just one summer option that is now out of the picture.

When I get home you can ask me any questions you want, but just know that whatever I say to you is only one tiny part of my experience here. I will show you all my pictures if you want, but if you are bored with them don't feel obligated to look at them all. And don't think that that's what things actually looked like. Pictures are pictures of course.

So here I am all mixed up again. I'm sad to be leaving. I'm excited about certain options that might have opened up. I'm nervous about making money. I'm nervous about having responsibilities again. I'm excited to be able to call my best friend whenever I feel like it. I'm excited to see my cat! I'm scared. But I'm also ready to just jump right back in to everything. I love you all and I will see you or at least talk to you on a normal phone verrry verry soon.