be warned, this post contains some explicit content and has very little to do with Vietnam

I want to WRITE something, god damn it. Why is there so much boring shit out there to read? Why do I think I can contribute anything better? Why do I keep looking for ways to rip off authors I like!? It seems like if I have something of value that I have to say I should be able to just say it. It’s not working out that way.

I’m sitting alone in a hotel room in Nha Trang, Vietnam in my underwear, drinking wine and trying to figure out what makes me think I want to write. I was okay with this situation, very content even, until I really got down to the business of writing something I wanted to write. Then I realized that every written thing I produce is either too close to some standard format I must have (miraculously) absorbed in the few decent journalism classes I took, or it’s a haphazard rant like this. But at this moment in time it looks like THIS is what I’ve got. I’d rather go ahead and let you know I’m in a hotel room in my underwear than let you read the standard style stories I’ve been starting and not finishing. what I want to produce is something NEW that’s actually creative and interesting

and WHO the fuck am I to invent a new style of writing

(a 24 year old wanderer-a self deprecating one, at that-with nothing at all to show for my writing but a few boring articles in a portfolio I was required to put together)

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think people generally like my writing because I lay it all out there. I’ve got nothing to hide. I’m a bad liar in real life and in writing. It’s probably better for me in writing than in real life. Not necessarily in this case, because I’m pretty sure this is too far inside my head and therefore too extreme. But usually.

I suppose if you are reading this, you are probably expecting an account of my travels. That is what a travel blog is supposed to be, right? Well, that’s exactly why I didn’t want to start one in the first place. Because I knew I would let you down. All the 3 or so people who read this.

I do actually write in my journal everything I do every day of traveling, because I know a) I’m not going to remember all of this stuff, and b) I actually will want to know it sometime. But here I will throw you measly dogs a couple of carrots from the dinner table, because I don’t even like carrots. And if you find that you would rather be tossed a scrap of meat (or tofu) instead, sorry little puppies, but you will have to wait a bit or go to another table. Or go hunting or something.

From Thursday, January 21—I am having the best day! That relies completely on the fact that I’m laying on the beach right now. I forgot for a second how fucking much I like going to the beach. It is awesome here [this is in Hoi An] too, there are these awesome mountains in the distance with clouds topping them, it’s really beautiful. I got in the water too and it’s a good temperature with good sized waves. Ah. I love it. I biked out here once, when it was totally cloudy outside, so I get[tenses are clearly not my strong point] to the beach and it’s beautiful and sunny but I didn’t have my bathing suit with me, so I went all the way back to the hostel, which was like 20 minutes of biking fast, then I was forced to change rooms to one on the 4th floor. Then I finally got my bathing suit on and hoofed it here…
And it goes on. But that is enough, I think.

I really like you scavenging dogs under the table, if you are still anywhere around. But god, carrots are gross.

help, i'm alive my heart keeps beating like a hammer

It could be...

the lack of sleep

being actually alone again

being in a big city

hormones

being hungover

the music i'm listening to

turning 24 while away from everyone i know

traveling in general

i don't know.

but

this is one of the main reasons I came here. For this feeling and for the possibilities it presents me.

This feeling that I am in total control of my life. The knowledge that somehow things really are as horrible or as wonderful as they might seem. The feeling that the usual veil over our perception that is necessary for us to live normally has lifted for a moment. This of course is no way to live practically. But these rare glimpses of the full magnitude of life are what make traveling so addicting.

Because so far this is the sort of vague, cheesy sounding rambling some of you might have heard from me before, I'll try to provide a small example in an effort to explain. Today I read a story about the earthquake in Haiti and started tearing up. I don't know anyone in Haiti and I've never been there before. I don't typically cry at stories of people dying, even in enormous disasters or wars, because I (like everyone else) separate the knowledge of these things from understanding the reality of them. But because today, for whatever reason, I feel like I can grasp reality better than usual, the story struck me as probably it should.

I miss everyone terribly right now. I want Swift to be in my lap. I want to be at home, in Nashville, in Chattanooga, and in Knoxville all at the same time. But also I want nothing more than to go to Sapa tonight (I am actually doing this) and do a trek tomorrow.

Even though I do miss my family and friends and I'm incredibly grateful to have these people in my life, I am absolutely ok with being alone. I'm the only one that I can understand(at all) or count on (completely), so that is a solid enough base for me to start from to proceed to interactions and relationships with other people.

If this post doesn't make sense to you or you think it's weird, I suppose we wouldn't be friends in the first place so maybe you should go find someone else's travel blog where you can read what they did for the last week. hah.

Dang!!

at least I had a double seat and an ambien

I am usually not one to complain about bus or car rides. I'll hop on a 15 hour bus ride without thinking about it. I'll drive 12 hours by myself and think most of it is fun. However, I just came off of the longest, and probably the worst, bus ride ever. I bought the ticket in Vang Vieng, Laos to go to Hanoi,Vietnam for roughly 25 dollars. To fly it costs at least 120 or 130. So I thought, how bad could it really be? Even once I got on the bus I was thinking, "What is everyone complaining about with this bus ride? It seems fine to me so far. They must just be complainers." well.
After 3 1/2 hours we got to Vientiane, where we then had to kill 2 hours then report back to this travel agency, where then we waited another hour, then were taken to a bus station where we had to wait a little more. Finally we got moving. Exactly 8 minutes into the ride, we start literally rocking back and forth like the bus was going to tip over. And I'm really not being dramatic here, we almost tipped over because we almost hit a scooter. We missed the guy by like 2 inches. So that was a fun start to the ride, and this also called attention to the fact that the bus itself was not the most stable thing in the world. It felt like what I would imagine a bus for those weeble wobble things would be.
So we stopped a lot, in fact it felt like we hardly drove during the night at all. We were just stopped somewhere and everyone was sleeping for a long time. Then we drove a bit more and got to Vietnam immigration, where no one would tell us what the fuck was going on, and we ended up standing around waiting for some unknown reason for about 2 1/2 hours, meaning we had been at the border for 3 hours. We continued on through the day, sometimes dropping off people, sometimes dropping off random bags of stuff(maybe animal feed? I truly don't know) to villages, wobbling around the road, sometimes really hot, mostly freezing from the air-conditioner. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that there were Asian music videos playing for most of the trip. Thank God for mp3 players.
At one point in the afternoon I thought we were getting close, then I saw a sign for Hanoi in 230 Km. So after many more hours of Lao and/or Vietnamese people not telling me or the other two white people on the bus(2 guys from Denmark) what was going on, we FINALLY got to Hanoi. I know this doesn't exactly seem like some harrowing journey. But when you consider all the annoying factors, mostly the fact that no one was concerned with getting anywhere or explaining anything the whole time, and add to it the time of the journey, it was pretty bad. Basically I was bound in some way to a bus(not necessarily on one) from 10 am until 7:30 of the following day. That's 33 1/2 hours.
This is exactly the kind of whiny blog I would never want to read. You guys asked for it.

okay, I give in.

Wow, another travel blog. Wonder why this hasn't been done before..
I resisted creating a blog about my travels mostly because I don't think more than 3 people will bother reading it, as I have almost never read blogs even of my good friends. And also they are usually boring. Then I started to realize how much stuff was probably getting lost, as pictures can only tell part of the story, and in person no one really wants to hear about other people's travels nearly as much as they think they should. I have already been gone for a month so a linear story about everything up to now would be about the longest, most boring thing you could imagine.So I'm going to keep this one as short and different as I know how, by dividing things into categories. I truly love lists.
Places I've gone: Thailand- Koh Tao, Koh Phangan, Bangkok, Kanchanaburi, Chiang Mai, Pai, Chiang Rai. Laos- Huay Xai, Pak Beng, Luang Prabang(I am here now).
Things I've seen: waterfalls, markets, beaches, oceans, rivers, mountains, huts, motorbikes, tuk-tuks, bare feet, monks, sunsets, backpackers, maps.
Things I've done: rode some scooters, walked, ran, swam, ate, lay in the sun, cooked, read, listened, talked, wrote, explored.
Things I've felt: excited, content, frustrated, tired, restless, nervous, relieved, sick, hot, cold, confident, unsure, lost, happy.
People I've met: people from Holland, Australia, Canada, United Kingdom, Ireland, Israel, Sweden, Belgium, Germany, Argentina, Spain, France, and the United States(but not many). And many more places.
Things you might want to know: people ALWAYS think I'm from England, unless the person guessing is English, in which case they know right away that I'm American. I have hardly been alone this entire time. There are travelers EVERYWHERE. There is nothing scary or particularly difficult about anything I'm doing. There is so much tourism in Southeast Asia that a LOT of people speak English. I am living cheaply but somehow spending a little more than I thought I would (something around $28 per day, averaging everything together). Guesthouses are usually around 5-10 dollars. Meals are almost always cheap, but they push it a bit more on beer and other alcoholic drinks. I don't have a very clear itinerary-and there is no reason to have one-but somehow I will make it to Vang Vieng in Laos and hit up Vietnam at least briefly before I have to show up at APCA (assistance for poor children association) in Cambodia to live for two months to teach English to kids there.

I miss everyone but I am having a fabulous time. Please comment back on here or write me an e-mail at jtbryn@gmail.com. I would love to hear what is going on with you. I shall post again soon.